2009年10月15日星期四

給 m 與 c . . .


網絡上追蹤著的情感故事, 不很清楚的細結, 卻延漫著典型的戀情、失落...

付闕於文字中, 難得的淒美、真情... 從未媒面的網友, 卻似忘年知交般為之心痛

都是同途上的過客, 有緣心靈上的鍾情, 曾有短暫的情意、痴心、嚮望, 暮然的執著、失意、斷交, 換來絕情的思念、自咎、怨恨...

都已豁出去了, 為何不能豪爽激烈地去愛這眨然, 去享受一時的盡情, 到底祇是人生一場遊戲, 留點甜甜的回憶, 他日有緣重遇, 也就來個會心的微笑...

何必硬要擁有、 服從、執意? 明知沒有永恆... 明知無從了結...

想說是別人的故事, 又好似是自己的故事...

情, 在作孽...

2009年10月12日星期一

交流

寂莫時, 需要心靈的接觸...

工作認識許多人, 好多好熟稔, 但嘻哈吃喝之餘似都無從再有深一層的心靈交流, 從來沒能談心思...

親人, 太接近了, 除了曰常琑屑, 反而甚麽都不能直接交談. 伴侶, 曾經親密的互通心聲, 但介以時曰, 變得有默契地沉默了...

面對面, 眼神會泄露心底的真情, 眼晴是心靈的天窗, 風水說窗户際不能正對洞開着, 至少掛個八卦鏡反照下...所以心理醫師要病人躺著向天去吐露心思真情...

現代的交流工具, 隔一層重重的ether, 隱蔽了真相, 反而可以盡情袒露真心...

文字, 比說話婉轉有心思... email 比 msn 少侷促... 至終, 書信比 email 更有真情

筆友, 還是不要見面了... 留一層神祕面紗, 可以有無限旎想; 隔一個大海, 可以更無拘無束...



--又一篇未能寫完的一點卽興字句... 翻出來改改, 不過今天感覺到, 文字許多時也是詞不達意、錯差的理解、迷失的交流, 仍是不愉悅的經歷, 甚至汚穢的起端, 唉... 2009.10.28晚修改

2009年10月9日星期五

HE to SHE

文的出櫃專訪在浸大學報中刋出了.

“I know I am meant to be a female”: Fion's road from HE to SHE

http://tyr.journalism.hkbu.edu.hk/ ( -> "people" section)


家庭中好熟稔的姐妹, 有照片錄像, 也無需無謂介紹了. 遙祝她新生的開始, 好艱苦踏出了這一大步. 還記得她幾年前首次在家庭中露面, 靦腆地似在問路; 想說, 小女孩, 勿去闖那條路噢...



Mabel姐問小如, 有否曾想會變性? 當然想過, 卻是好久好久前了, 還祇是想得太多了...


(延伸自 "微笑" )

2009年10月2日星期五

The Lost Symbol

發 Dan Brown 熱, 乘熱買了剛上市的 The Lost Symbol, 二天看完...

仍是 DaVinci Code 般的結構人物描述, 詭異的鬼符 symbolism 配上現代美國背景, 格外奇特誘引, 秘密組織是Freemason (共濟會), 仍然是宗教科學間的互動, 結局卻趨向於天人合一的 enlightenment, 別有其對"上天" God 的見解...

"忠"的除主角外加了 CIA, "奸"人Mal'akh 仍是一貫地自殘, 這次更自閹, 有東方不敗葵花寶典的味道了... 描述得引經據典地確切震撼, 祇能抄原文原汁去欣賞 (給有自殘意念的姐妹從另一角度參照
... ):


Ch 71 (pp268-269)
... He stood naked before the mirror and admired his form ... perhaps the last time he would see himself as a mere mortal.
His feet were talons of a hawk. His legs - Boaz and Jachin - were the ancient pillars of wisdom. His hips and abdomen were the archways of mystical power. Hanging beneath the archway, his massive sex organ bore the tattooed symbols of his destiny. In another life, this heavy shaft of flesh had been his source of carnal pleasure. But no longer.
I have been purified.
Like the mystical eunuch monks of Katharoi, Mal'akh had removed his testicles. He had sacrificed his physical potency for a more worthy one. Gods have no gender. Having shed the human imperfection of gender along with the earthly pull of sexual temptation, Mal'akh had become like Ouranos, Attis, Sporus, and the great castrati magicians of Arthurian legend. Every spiritual metamorphosis is preceded by a physical one. Such was the lesson of all the great gods... from Osiris, to Tammuz, to Jesus, to Siva, to the Buddha himself.
I must shed the man who clothes me.
Abruptly, Mal'akh drew his gaze upward, past the double-headed phoenix on his chest, past the collage of ancient sigils adorning his face, and directly to the top of his head. He tipped his head toward the mirror, barely able to see the circle of bare flesh that waited there. This location on the body was sacred. Known as the fontanel, it was the one area of the human skull that remained open at birth. An oculus to the brain. Although this physiological portal closes within a matter of months, it remains a symbolic vestige of the lost connection between the outer and inner worlds.
Mal'akh studied the sacred patch of virginal skin, which was enclosed by the crownlike circle of an ouroboros - a mystical snake devouring its own tail. The bare flesh seemed to stare back at him ... bright with promise.

Ch 86 (pp324-325)
...
Transformation requires sacrifice.
Like many of history's most spiritually evolved men, Mal'akh had committed to his path by making the noblest of flesh sacrifices. Castration had been less painful than he had imagined. And, he had learned, far more common. Every year, thousands of men underwent surgical gelding --- orchiectomy, as the process was known --- thier motivations ranging from transgender issues, to curbing sexual addictions, to deep-seated spiritual beliefs. For Mal'akh, the reasons were of the highest nature. Like the mythological self-castrated Attis, Mal'akh knew that achieving immortality required a clean break with the material world of male and female.
The androgyne is one.
Nowadays eunuchs were shunned, although the ancients understood the inherent power of this transmutational sacrifice. Even the early Christians had heard Jesus Himself extol its virtues in Matthew 19:12: "there are those who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."
...
In order to create, I must destroy.
Such was the nature of polarity.
...